Wednesday, June 22, 2011

- The Third Leg

So I had planned to post this a while ago, but I'm lazy.  I was "busy" before IFT and "exhausted" after IFT.  And now I'm exhausted again because I'm estupido and I stay up too late when I know good and well that I have to wake up early for work.   Anyways, my posts on California were always meant to be a trilogy - with the last installment paying homage to the third leg of our "tripod" from Cali.  

Allow me to introduce...
HERMIE.  Our small, black, compact Nissan Versa that serendipitously ended up being our rental car.  I say that because Karen and I knew we needed a rental car.  We knew (and were reminded several times) that it was a Holiday weekend.  We also knew that said there were like 70+ rental cars available earlier in the day.  We didn't jump on those because Karen is a sweet innocent youngin' who would have had to pay underage fees and even though I was at the Pheonix airport which supposedly has free wifi my laptop was all "You are not connected to the internet".  So we decided to wing it.  (Side note: what is the past tense of "wing it"?  We winged it?  That sounds weird.)

Which of course means that when we arrived at the row of rental car counters at San Francisco no one had anything less than a midsize SVU.  Aside from that being a much more expensive rental, then the mpg's are like ridiculously low and I mean we're in California where gas is more expensive than crack.    So while waiting in line separately at like every counter and trying to figure out where the best deal was, we were also both on our phones trying to get a reservation and I guess I pressed "Reserve" right at the moment that Hermie was released from the car wash/clean up/whatever they do to turn rental cars over process.

This story is riveting.  I know.

Was it love at first sight with Hermie?  You betcha. (OMG my Minnesotan is showing).  We named him Hermie because we couldn't quite tell if his energy was male or female and it's a cute shortened version of hermaphrodite.  I refer to him as a him, because it's easier to use that pronoun and if I called him "it" that just wouldn't be very politically correct.  Neither would "he/she".  I think that Hermie is probably living his life as a male despite what's going on under the hood.  (Did you see the car pun coming?  This post is just getting more and more awesome).  

So Hermie spent the whole weekend with us.  All said and done I think we drove him about 650 miles and enjoyed every second of it.  Except for when I was whiney and Karen's eyes were on fire from her contacts.  He took us through some beautiful countryside on the way to Sonoma, and Yosemite - where cherry trees were abundant (or some kind of tree were, I guess cherry because every roadside stand was selling that and asparagus, and I'm like 98% sure asparagus doesn't grow that tall), through winding roads in the sun, rain, snow, and dark where he was attacked by numerous bats, to a Target in Pleasanton, and to and from San Fran where we drove on the longest bridge ever.  His brakes may have been a bit too sensitive compared to what I'm used to, but we were always safe and dry and warm with Hermie.

His only shortcoming was that his antenna was a really sad excuse for an antenna and we couldn't keep a radio station for more than a few songs.  Unless it was a Mexicali station.  Throughout all of this driving we received a complete tour of what American Top 40 has to offer and I have a few shout outs to these songs which we heard at least 10 times, and still liked at the end of the trip (which is really just miraculous):
Bruno Mars with his hand in his pants - I prefer the version with whistles
Katy Perry and her extraterrestial beats
Britney, although we never heard the remix
Ke$ha - our BFF and honorary member of the tripod and halloween costume for this year (don't steal that or I will throw glitter at you)
Whichever rapper it is that asks if I wanna kick it in the backseat and also asks the life-changing question: "I hear you got a baby, you want a new boy in you?"
In addition, we caught some retro tunes and "busted a move", caught a few seconds of the ever so rare Cher song, and proclaimed ourselves "Champions of the World" after Queen reminded us it was possible to have that title.

So here's to Hermie - the faithful third leg of our tripod without whom our weekend would not have been complete.  If we were signing yearbooks I would say "Thanks for the memories buddy - keep in touch!"

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