Monday, October 10, 2011

- Dear Monday

How come I am never well rested enough for you?
Because you stay up late every night of the weekend drinking and watching rugby games.
But Monday!  Those were on live from New Zealand - I had to stay out until 2 AM Friday and Saturday in order to watch the games.  I couldn't miss live coverage - it is too hard to come by!  And I took naps!  And even when I don't go out on the weekend I'm still too tired when you come around.  Also, can you watch rugby without drinking?  I'm not sure that's possible.
Naps mean nothing to me.  They don't even count on the weekend.  I laugh in the face of naps!  Even if you get two full nights of sleep, and then nap, then the naps become excess and the excess sleep will also make you tired!  YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!  And no, you can't watch rugby without drinking.  That's a crime against nature...much like trying to be prepared for ME.

Why does time go by so slowly when you're around?
Because I like to really drive home the suffering.  Or I like to fly by if you happen to have a lot to do.  That way, there is either too much time, or not enough time.  I also like to make sure that the internet does not hold enough distraction while I'm creeping by because your misery makes me incandescently happy.
Monday you're mean.  That's not nice.  How come you don't like me?
I don't like anyone.  Don't be so dramatic, this isn't all about you.  Except when it is and then I add in things like: spilled coffee, bad hair days, weekend bloat, horrific traffic that makes you late, missed deadlines for things I deleted from your calendar, no time for lunch, and a broken CD player in your car to go along with the radio which is playing every crappy song ever written on every station.

Why do you suck so much?
Your mom sucks!
You leave my mom out of this Monday.
Make me.
Monday I will totally take you out back and do something mean to you.
No you won't.  You're too nice.  
I'm not that nice.  I could maybe be pretty scrappy in a combat situation considering all the practice I got growing up with two brothers.
Laurie - how many times have I kicked your ass?  You've had at least 1460 visits from me (wow you're old!)...although I didn't start getting bad until you reached a certain age, we'll call it junior year of high school.  That's at least 572 failures at beating me.  You always come back for more thinking that maybe today will be your lucky day.  Except lucky days can never happen when I'm around.  I thought you would have learned this by now...
You just had to bring my age into that didn't you?
For sure.  Age was important in order to get the math right.  Don't frown so much, you're just making new wrinkles.
I hate you Monday.  Can you leave and never come back?
You will NEVER be rid of me!  See you in 6 days SUCKER!

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