Saturday, October 5, 2013

- Sometimes I Cry

In my last post I included the new-ish John Mayer song that is currently rocking my socks off.  And when I posted that video I realized that I have kind of developed a Summer Soundtrack.  It all started back in April, when Summer was still just a dream and a wish on a snowy day.

I'm one of the 84 people left in America who still pays 2 subscriptions to Netflix.  I maintain a carefully curated DVD queue of movies I want to see oh so badly but for some reason never actually make it to theater for.  At the end of April I got The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  And I cried my eyes out.  Because sometimes movies just break my heart and that movie did in so many tragic ways.  But then at the same time I was just blown away by the love the main character possessed.  For someone that should be so broken by the world, he still had the capacity to love as unconditionally as most of wish we could.

In April I wrote: Look, Imma break it down.  Lately, I've been crying a lot.  I don't really know what's up, but things are just reaching into my chest and gripping my heart so tightly that I can't help but be reduced to the fetal position with tears streaming down my face.

I think it was the change of the seasons taking so long that made me so emo.  But during that phase in my year, I was driving in my car when this song came on:
It was right after one of our April snow storms and everything around me was so depressingly beautiful.  It was that kind of snow where the flakes are big and wet and fluffy.  I was driving through a neighborhood when this song started and before I knew what was happening I was driving down the road crying my eyes out.  Because apparently my old heart has been locked away too long and I didn't realize it was breaking.
"But you'll never find the answers until you set your old heart free." - Preach.

And that's when the soundtrack started.  It was the first time that I was physically hit by a song when there was but a whisper of warmer seasons on the air.  A song that made me lose sight of everything else in the world but what was happening for that moment.  It was an emotional start to the summer, but it's an oh so good start.